The Trolling Adventures of Satsuki
by Takamahara
Summary: Inspired by true events that sparked the bestselling series "The Trolling Adventures of Kato", the humorous escapade of a mischievous fiend, 'Kato', or rather Satsuki, has decided to reveal everything. (Side stories and One shots involving the heavily AU Naruto Universe in the Yomi series). Disclaimer: I don't own canon things but I do make them dance to my own tune.


Summary: Inspired by true events that sparked the bestselling series "The Trolling Adventures of Kato", the humorous escapade of a mischievous fiend, 'Kato' herself has decided to reveal everything.

Chapter One: Yes, I play with dolls!

~ Second visit to Ame after visiting Gaara-kun ~

A young girl stared with genuine interest at the puppet parts and equipment all over the workshop. The owner of the workshop was dully intriqued at hearing Leader-sama's request and respect to this child.

"Satsuki has expressed an interest in your puppet craft and while I know how much you loathe the idea of wasting time, you would like to hear some of her ideas. Artificial personalities, fully functional dolls with their own mind and free will and mechnical toys are just some of the inventions."

It was refreshing to see someone else understand the subtle additions to ease movement and the exquisite beauty of something everlasting. The thought of sharing knowledge was appealing and the puppet master couldn't help but wonder if she would be his partner once Orochimaru pisses off the Uchiha enough.

"I see you are familiar with puppetry." Sasori said.

The girl turned to face him visibly startled at his appearance but it quickly calmed to an amused understanding. "You must be Sasori, the master puppet wielder my uncle Pein told me about." Her eyes wandered over his body, lingering at the joints and heart. "He didn't mention you turned yourself into your own art."

The fact Leader-sama claims to be her uncle was unusual in itself but the way this girl mentioned his condition in such a way one would ask about the weather captured his undivided attention. Satsuki held no disgust over what he did to himself but rather a very morbid curiosity.

"On one of my trips to see Gaara-kun, I visited the elder puppet mistress who encouraged my interest in animation and necromancy." Satsuki grinned crookedly. "She doesn't know about the necromancy part."

Sasori nodded. If animation was the purer side of his previous village's puppetry, then necromancy was the darker half. The puppet desired to learn more about these lost art forms when he came across old records describing the macabre beauty.

Animation is the control and creation of artificial life. At first there were only golems, creations made from the natural forces of the world with independent thoughts, intelligence, and emotions. Over time new classifications of beings were developed such as dolls and its later forms ofartificial

Necromancy on the other hand was the manipulation, fusion, and resurrection of the dead and the corruption of life itself. Blood magic, or jutsu now a days, that weird Jashin cult, and Satsuki's Yomi are fine examples of this side of the coin.

Homunculi are a cross between artificial lifeforms and necromancy and as such are abominations.

Sasori walked over to some blue prints on the table beside her and gently picked up the theories and outlines of her creations written in neat script. The first one was designed for a medic role and looked rather sadistic.

Fuzen would have been about two hands height in his sealed state and about a preteen upon being released. His skin was designed to be lightly pale, suiting his spiky dark purple hair and cruelly entertained tangerine gaze. Beneath the dark gray cloak with very light gray stylized clouds and suns was only torn black dress pants and countless pouches and belts.

"Fuzen is intended as a gift for one of my closest friends." Satsuki mumbled, a blush staining her fair skin. Her mentor frowned, leaving her scrambling for a better response. "It's a gift for his 13th birthday despite it being over 18 months away."

It was only due to sensing the movement being planned right before it happened that allowed her to catch the rapidly thrown scrolls from Sasori. The threat of being buried alive passed just as fast, leaving Satsuki removing herself from the pile of homework.

"I want a detailed ten page report on proper puppet maintenance and construct by the next time we meet. Once that is fully memorized we shall go over the differences in techniques involving animation and the subclassification of puppetry."

Sasori spoke in full confidence that she would understand and appreciate this art, and Satsuki refused to back down from the challenge. And so head held high, she replies, "Yes, Sasori-danna!"

An awkward silence grew between them since Satsuki had to bite her lip in order to prevent laughing her ass off at her mentor's expression.

"Don't call me that. It sounds so disturbing coming from you."

~ Itachi's Birthday Gift ~

Itachi had been oddly detached from everyone more than ever since Shisui's suicide, and yet he remained close to Satsuki. Many members of his clan were both curious and wary over what little was known of her abilities but only a handful notice how much his closeness grew over her sensei's death. One Uchiha by the name of Tsuna would act out his disgust, hatred, and fear upon her soon enough

Itachi found her in one of her favorite training grounds. A huge fast moving river carved its way through the large clearing. The trees surrounding the oddly deserted Yomotsu Hirasaka grounds were far older than the rest of the village. Satsuki herself was practicing her chakra control by dancing and leaping upon the winding waterway. Kimimaro, the steadfast guardian sat on a bench in front of the inn along with Juugo who was reading from one of Satsuki's books on English.

The Kaguya heir acknowledged his arrival with a short nod though his friend waved at the chilly Uchiha. A blur coming from the river was the only warning the weasel received before being glomped by a bubbly seven and a half year old.

Wide mismatched colored eyes stared up at the older boy with pure happiness and affection shining within them. Since they last saw each other, her 'blind' right eye became more pronounced when compared with the vivid shade of her left.

He suppressed the smirk at knowing he was one of the few that knew her 'half blind condition', was a complete ruse. A disturbingly effective ruse, but a ruse none of the less. It was just a light gray just a few shades darker than the Hyuuga's or a true blind eye.

"Happy birthday Itachi!" said Satsuki as she removed a present from a large pouch attached across her chest. Catching slight confusion somewhere in him, she tilted her head to the left. "You didn't like being addressed as my older brother for awhile now."

Knowing Kimimaro was staring in his general direction with suspicion, Itachi opened her gift and let his facade drop completely. Genuine surprise was evident in his posture as the great Itachi Uchiha picked up a strange sleeping doll from it's black linen bed.

"Fuzen is a medic and research doll and was my first creation." Satsuki scoffed the ground, dragging the dirt with her shoes. "I made him just for you, Itachi!"

Itachi hugged her for just a minute but it was more than enough to show his gratitude. The soft smile nearly made her inner fan girl swoon. In a halfhearted effort to prevent actually squealing at his cuteness, Satsuki taught him how to use the doll and warned him of his unique personality.

The birthday boy hanged out with the group until dusk began to fall and Satsuki was forced to reopen the entranceway thanks to a moral standpoint. Itachi walked the three children to their Konoha residence in a eery silence. It was too quiet even for him.

Once they arrived to their home, Itachi waited until he believed he could speak unheard by Juugo's and Satsuki's keen senses to speak for the first time during the trip back. " I won't let anyone chain you. This I swear. Even if I must sacrifice my humanity and cut all ties to this betraying village and people, I will do it."

Unfortunately for Satsuki, she only heard the first sentence. Otherwise the reason why the massacre ended up the way it did would have made some sort of sense.

~ Pedo-Serpent Meets Action Figures (who go BANG) Massive Time skip to before Chunin Exam Events ~

Deidara was skeptical of the small expendable three inches tall figurines since he first saw Satsuki working on a new scouting doll. The malicious and sadistically cute joy at hearing her request for some of his clay didn't help matters either.

The bomber did owe her a lot since the kid got to him before that Itachi Uchiha prick could. Hearing how he would get his ass by a freaking illusion, and proof from her memories on the fact, fueled his gratitude.

The Uchiha still pissed him off. Not to mention that Tobi guy.

"Let me get this straight, hmm: Orochimaru creeps you out and with the upcoming exam you want to limit his capabilities." A nod. "These dolls-"

Satsuki rolled her eyes. "These ones are Action Figures! More specifically, saboteurs."

It was his turn to roll his eyes. "Right, hmm. Attaching some of my explosive clay on these that will only affect this snake dude will activate some chakra absorbing and knowledge gaining substances which will contaminate his being for several years at least."

"Pretty much. Along with the fact they will hit his bases and strongholds and are pretty much untraceable, I have only one thing to add."

Satsuki's pyro and explosive loving side came out, as they highfived each other. "We are gonna Bang!"

Deidara smirked. "Don't forget the big boom!"

Satsuki facepalmed.

~ Gaara's Favorite Sixth Birthday Presents ~

The first major present, and one everyone in the village loved, was getting his seal adjusted and modified to prevent further rampages. This was from Naruto and the rest of the gang currently in Suna.

Gaara's favorite however was doll made just for him. Arihito was a young animal/human hybrid dressed in nomad clothing best suited for the desert. He had a gray hound tail and ears atop his hear, mostly hidden by his hood and wild light gray hair. Amber animal eyes showed human intelligence and understanding and his knowledge and ability to debate on various matters was impressive.

Arihito took longer than Satsuki wanted it to be but Gaara was just happy he received such a personal gift.

Not even an hour had passed since the two friends began to compare ideas and play (train) with the dolls when several brats approached them cautiously. Gaara was more in control of his powers but his chakra was severally black in areas and could still pull a good rampage.

Except he retains his sanity which is scary as hell. Or so says Naruto.

"Aren't they cute? Lady Yomi and the Demon Child are playing with dolls!"

That one child started a whole bunch of name calling until both kids slowly turned to face their verbal attackers with different intentions. Satsuki was itching to tear them a new one, preferably physically for the degrading nicknames.

"Yes, we play with dolls." Satsuki said, scorn and anger dripping from her words.

"If you intend to insult us, then expect to have said dolls visiting your bedrooms when you are asleep."

The intensity in Gaara's simple sentence mixed with the psychotic grin her inner fan girl was happy to see, made the kids freaked out.

"Did I ever tell you how fucking cool you are?"

Gaara smiled shyly at his friend's praise. "Thanks."

The kids would remain paranoid about dolls and puppets for many years, helped by the fact Arihito 'visited' them for amusement. How very sad that they live in Suna, puppet land of the shinobi world.

Salutations Punks! Each chapter has a theme consisting of several one shots that is connected to the main story called Yomi Beckons. The one shots have no particular order in which they occur so events involving the theme can take place in the past, present, or future. Some of these stories are not referenced in the novel at all but standalones and at times a given.

Interesting and pointless information: Itachi's sadistic medic doll name is Fuzen which means imperfect/sin/failure. Makes sense to belong to Itachi in a twisted way. Gaara's intelligent hybrid doll name Arihito is derived from (ari) meaning "exist, existance, belonging (hito) meaning "man, person". Fitting when you consider how the canon Gaara was like.


End file.
